Beachouse Part 1 - The People

Now I'm well aware that I've already met a lot of people on this trip and adding to this number will only make it more complicated (and possibly dull) for you but the days at the Beachouse all sort of melted together and it's hard to break up what actually happened with who and when. So Part 1 will introduce the "Players" and Part 2 will set the scene and I'll explain what happened while I was there - I hope this makes sense but it's easier for me to write it up this way round.

Here are the many people that I met during my time at the Beachouse:

Bart (Belgium) - He was one of the funniest guys there everyones friend and he would patrol up the beach everyday and check up on "his ladies". He is a nurse living in Melbourne and he always had a funny story to tell, even when he was smashed out of his face. We mainly talked about Eddie Wally, "The Voice of Europe" (anyone whos seen Eurotrash will know who he is) - his impression was so good I was convinced for a time that he was his love-child.

Nigel, Biz, Isaac and Pip (UK) - Later nicknamed the Chaos Family as they seemed to make a lot of noise collectively, especially at meal times. They come from St Agnes in Cornwall and they remind me in a weird way of my sister's family as they live on a farm too and are "countryfied" without being up their own arse. I taught Isaac how to play volleyball and he was great fun - 7 years old going on 17 by the seems of things. I met them later on in Fiji too so you won't have heard the last of them.

Clare and Gemma (UK) - The Bristols - they were so "yeah but....no but", you couldn't help but laugh whenever they opened their mouths. They were the life and soul whenever they were around and the locals all took a real shine to them. They were the sort of people that you never would have expected to like but you just can't help yourself.

Joe (USA) - Joe was from California and he was great to talk to and it was fun trying to make sense out of conversations after too much beer and weed.

Jurgen (Austria) - "Mein Brude", he was another really funny guy who was my drinking buddy on many occasions. He could also do that weird half-eye-closed sort of thing that Antoine De Caunes does (back to Eurotrash again! Did I really have such a misled youth?).

Roman (Germany) - Roman was one of the most quirky people I have ever met and he was so entertaining - he would always be making a sound or doing something quite irregular. His english wasn't perfect either so he would concentrate very hard during conversations. He was a bit like Jack Nicholson in one of his many roles but he could have been more crazy than that if he wanted to be!

Roger and Cheyenne (Canada) - The first people I met and I taught them the Pokerdice game and they loved it. Roger was a bit of a dick though - when he played volleyball he would commentate the play all the time - he also tried to usurp my pupil and teach Isaac how to play volleyball his way, but Isaac didn't want him to teach him as he was really pushy. Bless the children, eh?

Janos and Tarkan (Germany) - Janos was the self proclaimed ladies man and Tarkan was just weird but harmless enough - they'd always interupt conversation in a loud German kind of way. Tarkan was also obsessed with the fact that "mushy" in german was slang for a ladies front bits.

Gem (UK) - she wasn't speaking to anyone so I thought I'd break the ice - however, she had just left England and she has relationship issues that she decided to spill all over my conscience. That'll teach me to open my big mouth!

Jim and Joyce (Canada) - They were the long term guests who had already been there for 7 weeks when I got there. They'd spent over a year in Papua New Guinea too. They were very friendly and Jim resembled some kind of Yoda character (he was small and had a limp, OK?!) - he was also very good on the guitar and he would entertain everyone whenever a Kava ceremony was going on.

Will (UK) - A rugger bugger and no mistake - he was huge and he didn't like me so there's enough said about that.

Tom and Ben (New Zealand) - Ben was the quietest 6'4" man I've ever met and Tom was Comic Store Guy from the Simpsons (he actually worked in a comic shop in Auckland too) - he would talk continuously and would make random insane comments - probably a bit of an anarchist at heart.

Teri (Canada), Ivy and Clay (USA) - more of the first people I met when I got there and they all loved the Pokerdice game (perhaps I've hyped it up too much?)

Sylvia and Liz (Tasmania, Australia) - These two girls were pretty mad and they were just drunk most of the time (bless). I bumped into them in the Yasawas later on too.

Monica and Alex (Czech Republic) - They had been there for 2 months and thy showed no signs of leaving. She was a bit of a BOBFOC (Body off Baywatch, Face off Crimewatch) and had a bit of an attitude problem - and Alex was so quiet you hardly knew he was there sometimes. Also I found a poem about frogs at the bar which was directed at Monica - I laughed for days about it!

Then there were the locals:

Napoleon was in charge of the activities and he hardly said a word - he only spoke, when it mattered or something needed to be said. He was by far one of the kindest people I met while I was in Fiji. He taught me how to open up coconuts and he made volleyball look so easy as he smoked his cigars and hardly moved but still got the ball somehow.

Blicks was the barman and we got on really well as I seemed to see him quite a bit - especially around happy hour! We even had our own special handshake but it didn't mean that I got anything cheaper - it was just good to know the barman, that's all.

Hilary was the niece of the owner of the resort (she was from Australia and she was only 18). We only saw her for one night because she made such a spectacle of herself trying to down a bottle of vodka and then collapsing on the beach trying to go swimming and then pissing herself (literally). It was hilarious to watch but it must have been embarassing - (It reminded me of my leaving do at Royworld, oh happy days! ("Were going streaking!!!!!!!!")).

Kenny and Ben were my Kava drinking buddies by the end - Ben was in charge of supplying the weed and Kenny was in charge of supplying the Kava. Ben was permanently smashed and Kenny was the ukelele player for the village band and had a fascination with Hulk Hogan bizzarely enough!

And the there was Livi (Napoleons wife), Aporosa (Napoleons son), Juta (the guide), Adi, Reva, Deta, Victor, Toni, Ini, Joe, Eddie, Abo and Vani. Who all worked at the resort.